I remember one Christmas time …

I remember one Christmas time

I remember one Christmas time
it was the lead up to Christmas Day
I was at Batemans Bay
it was going to be a hot day
I went down to the local beach before breakfast
intent on a morning dip
I didn't notice her at first
lying on a towel high in the sloping sand

I came out of the sea fully refreshed
as I walked past her
she confronted me with a bubbling smile
then arrested me with words - I'm in heaven
I was momentarily taken aback
it is indeed an idyllic part of the coast
magnified by the brilliance of the clear morning
then the realization …

the sad realization …
you could say
all her Christmases had come at once
as I walked back home, I thought
she would probably have a hell of a Christmas Day …
a little different from my family celebration

that was several years ago
heaven knows where she is now

Richard Scutter

Quite a few people find Christmas time and of course Christmas Day a very lonely, depressing time. The unknown person referred to above was a sure candidate. The drugs that pervade and destroy the young come to mind.

This young girl, well I don’t know how life has panned out for her!

The Christmas Gift that is for everyone may still be unwrapped – https://mywordinyourear.com/2020/12/25/get-real-man-the-christmas-gift/

Christmas Greetings to all and enjoy your time with family and friends.

The Rainy Day – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

The Rainy Day

The day is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
The vine still clings to the mouldering wall,
But in every gust the dead leaves fall,

And the day is dark and dreary.
My life is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
My thoughts still cling to the mouldering Past,

But the hopes of youth fall thick in the blast,
And the days are dark and dreary.
Be still, sad heart, and cease repining;
Behind the clouds is the sun still shining;

Thy fate is the common fate of all,
Into each life some rain must fall,
Some days must be dark and dreary.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807 - 1882)

To what extent does the weather influence your emotive state. If it is raining and you what to play golf you might feel a little disappointed. There are plenty of other things to do besides golf of course. But in this poem it looks like the person is stuck in that dreary non acceptance of weather state. Dark and dreary is repeated in quite a few lines mirroring this stuck in the mud state, if you excuse the analogy.

But it is not so much of wanting a game of golf. It looks like the person is stuck firmly in the past in the same way ivy has that annoying habit of clinging to brickwork. In our previous home we had to deal with it and from memory it was not easy. Forgetting the past may not be easy for some and I think as we age the past hits our memory face more often whether remembering the sunshine at the beach or being fixated on that annoying conglomerate of weeds that have said hello this springtime.

The last two stanzas turn philosophical, and everyone has regrets. Rain is beneficial to the garden. In every gust the dead leaves fall! So, get over it and get out there and enjoy the day. Perhaps time to have a glass of wine with your evening meal!

There are plenty of poetic aspects which I have not discussed apart from rhyming and repetition including alliteration, assonance, personification, and consonance – the sound or r in that repetitive line ‘the day is dark and cold and dreary’.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow on Wikipedia

A Dog Has Died – Pablo Neruda

A Dog Has Died

My dog has died.
I buried him in the garden
next to a rusted old machine.
Some day I'll join him right there,
but now he's gone with his shaggy coat,
his bad manners and his cold nose,
and I, the materialist, who never believed
in any promised heaven in the sky
for any human being,
I believe in a heaven I'll never enter.
Yes, I believe in a heaven for all dogdom
where my dog waits for my arrival
waving his fan-like tail in friendship.
Ai, I'll not speak of sadness here on earth,
of having lost a companion
who was never servile.
His friendship for me, like that of a porcupine
withholding its authority,
was the friendship of a star, aloof,
with no more intimacy than was called for,
with no exaggerations:
he never climbed all over my clothes
filling me full of his hair or his mange,
he never rubbed up against my knee
like other dogs obsessed with sex.
No, my dog used to gaze at me,
paying me the attention I need,
the attention required
to make a vain person like me understand
that, being a dog, he was wasting time,
but, with those eyes so much purer than mine,
he'd keep on gazing at me
with a look that reserved for me alone
all his sweet and shaggy life,
always near me, never troubling me,
and asking nothing.
Ai, how many times have I envied his tail
as we walked together on the shores of the sea
in the lonely winter of Isla Negra
where the wintering birds filled the sky
and my hairy dog was jumping about
full of the voltage of the sea's movement:
my wandering dog, sniffing away
with his golden tail held high,
face to face with the ocean's spray.
Joyful, joyful, joyful,
as only dogs know how to be happy
with only the autonomy
of their shameless spirit.
There are no good-byes for my dog who has died,
and we don't now and never did lie to each other.

So now he's gone and I buried him,
and that's all there is to it.

Pablo Neruda (1904 - 1973)

This is Neruda’s pet dog and the first thing to notice is that there is no naming of the dog other than dog.
The emphasis is on the fact that he is Dog.

S1 … A straightforward statement that the dog has died and been buried.

S2 … Neruda will have similar fate. He reflects on the attributes that are commonly associated with a dog. Looking at the negative side of dog. Although Neruda has no believe in heaven his dog will be there and waiting for him in Dog Heaven.

S3 … his dog was not a close dog … rather distant like a star … there was no intimacy of touch that is common with a dog as pet

S4 … it looks as though the Dog gazes at the pathetic creature that is Neruda … he is there out of duty but what a waste of dog time … never troubles his owner

S5 … and when Neruda takes dog for a walk along the coast at Isla Negro (at the cottage in Chile where Neruda lived), Neruda is jealous at the natural happy full of life spirit that Dog shows on the walk … and I love the line full of the voltage of the sea’s movement … perhaps Neruda, in contrast is depressed, the poem was written near the end of his life.

S6 … no goodbyes necessary, a honest relationship

S7 … In line with the first stanza the Dog is buried and gone and that’s the end. As though a full stop on grief. I think he loved his dog very much despite wallowing in self-pity and using such a degrading tone.

This is certainly a different poem than one usually associates with Neruda. Most people would associate Neruda with his famous love sonnets.

Love Dogs – Rumi

Love Dogs

One night a man was crying,
“Allah, Allah!”
His lips grew sweet with the praising,
until a cynic said,
“So! I have heard you
calling out, but have you ever
gotten any response?”
The man had no answer for that.
He quit praying and fell into a confused sleep.
He dreamed he saw Khidr, the guide of souls,
in a thick, green foliage,
“Why did you stop praising?”
“Because I’ve never heard anything back.”
“This longing you express
is the return message.”
The grief you cry out from
draws you toward union.
Your pure sadness that wants help
is the secret cup.
Listen to the moan of a dog for its master.
That whining is the connection.
There are love dogs no one knows the names of.
Give your life to be one of them.

Rumi (30 September 1207 – 17 December 1273)

He stopped praying because he never heard anything back. He states that he has never had a response in his life. I wonder why he is praising God at the start of the poem. If in fact he is giving thanks to God then he has at one time received a response. I personally think prayer should always start with a thank you rather than an ask.

This Rumi poem poses numerous personal questions … Does God respond to prayer? Could it be that the longing itself is the connection – the more the longing the more the connection like a dog in grief? What is God’s response to personal prayer? Is our prayer based on selfish desire – what we want. Is a non-response an appropriate response? How does providence provide an answer to prayer? And is God’s response internally within us all the time – the God within?

From Wikipedia … Rumi was a 13th-century Persian poet, Hanafi faqih (jurist), 
Islamic scholarMaturidi theologian (mutakallim), and Sufi mystic originally from Greater Khorasan in Greater Iran.

Depression: A personal poem

A personal Haibun poem on depression – (a poem which incorporates text, an image and haiku)

We all have a wide span of emotive feeling. That is the natural way of life. It is just that some have very high extremes at both ends of the scale. And this can be quite devarstating to all concerned. This is especially so if medical intervention is required.

The following happened in the early nineteen fifties in England.

When we were growing up; I can’t remember exactly how old I was but still at primary school. I was probably around about nine or ten years old. I was behind the garage wall with my younger brother. We peeped around to the front of our house and saw our mother being taken out of the front door on a stretcher to be put in the back of an ambulance. We were young and did not recognise that it was in fact an ambulance.

She was taken to a ‘Fair Mile’, then called a Lunatic Asylum, near Wallingford in Berkshire and for many weeks our Father would drive us to visit her; mainly at weekends. I can remember summer days when the fields were full of wheat. Quite often my brother and I spent a lot of time in the grounds waiting for the return trip home in the Morris Isis. It is funny how you remember little things in life and I can remember the number plate. On the home front we children were looked after by one of my Father’s sisters, Auntie Gwen.

What is relevant to this text is the fact that something had to change with Mother so that she could recover and return to our home. Many years later Mother told me that she went into an empty church nearby and when she came out of the stillness something had happened inside, both in the church and in herself and it was the beginning.

damp afternoon
reaching for the light switch
depression

Richard Scutter May 2021

The Darkling Thrush – Thomas Hardy – Analysis

The Darkling Thrush

I leant upon a coppice gate
When Frost was spectre-grey,
And Winter’s dregs made desolate
The weakening eye of day.
The tangled bine-stems scored the sky
Like strings of broken lyres,
And all mankind that haunted nigh
Had sought their household fires.

The land’s sharp features seemed to be
The Century’s corpse outleant,
His crypt the cloudy canopy,
The wind his death-lament.
The ancient pulse of germ and birth
Was shrunken hard and dry,
And every spirit upon earth
Seemed fervourless as I.

At once a voice arose among
The bleak twigs overhead
In a full-hearted evensong
Of joy illimited;
An aged thrush, frail, gaunt and small,
In blast-beruffled plume,
Had chosen thus to fling his soul
Upon the growing gloom.

So little cause for carolings
Of such ecstatic sound
Was written on terrestrial things
Afar or nigh around,
That I could think there trembled through
His happy good-night air
Some blessed Hope, whereof he knew
And I was unaware.

Thomas Hardy (1840 – 1928)

Darkling – meaning ‘in the dark’ has a certain musicality when spoken like the call of a bird.
Coppice – dense area of small trees
Spectre-grey – ghostly grey
Dregs – waste particles at the bottom of a liquid, last remaining particles
Lyre – plucked string instrument associated with ancient Greece

S1 … of course it is northern hemisphere winter… and it is a pretty dark dismal affaire … the ‘dregs’ of winter coupled with the weakening eye of pallid sunless days. Dregs conjures up many images of the winter landscape but the end of December is hardly the end of winter although the solstice has passed. Tree branches are tangled and broken against the winter sky like the strings of a broken musical instrument.

S2 … The landscape becomes likened to a dead body (corpse) with coffin not quite closed … and the pulse of germ and birth not heard … nice choice of germ for seed for it has negative connotations … the death life spirit matches the mood of the poet … a somewhat depressive mood. (fervourless = lacking in any energy)

S3 … But then the sound of a thrush is heard against the bleak winter gloom … a full-hearted evensong … with joy (illimited = unlimited) … from a bird aged, gaunt, frail and small … an evensong coming from the most unlikely of birds … not the greatest specimen – mirroring something of beauty coming from the bleak winter (be-ruffled = fluffing out)

S4 … There is nothing to be cheerful about … so little cause for carolling … it is near Christmas … but that is not the perspective from the bird’s point of view … perhaps the bird and nature know better … hope springs eternal.

The theme is the somewhat dark reflection on the closing century for it was written at the end of December 1900. It is certainly an appropriate poem for the end of this decade when it is easy to get hooked by dark happenings. And especially the havoc caused across the world by weather extremes.

However, there is hope … and in the bleakest of times there is always some element of contrast to give joy … some little ray of sunshine, or tiny spark … hopefully something to take you out of depression … to catch your attention away from your troubles … something to look forward to in the New Year, to give hope … in Australia we are taking more than a tiny spark into the New Year!

Happy New Year!

Thomas Hardy on Wikipedia

a related poem on the not-going-away environment concern

… relentless, unprecedented bushfires in Australia this summer, New Year fireworks have been cancelled in Canberra … and it is a very smoky capital today.

Yesterday and Today

Yesterday and Today

Yesterday God decided to take a holiday
and I really can’t blame him at all, I mean
he must have been a little disappointed
with one of his projects going a little off track,
and working twenty-four by seven over the
centuries is, I imagine, quite demanding.
I am sure God knows where to go for a break
and I am sure he won’t want us to turn up!

Today is a little different, I’m happy to report that
the sun is breaking through threatening clouds and
the waste-paper bin is empty, sprawled out on
the desk are his original drawings, a little crumpled,
maybe he believes things can be straightened out –
perhaps he has far more faith than you or I.

Richard Scutter

This follows from my last post on the winning poem at the IPSI Canberra University 2018 competition … this is another poem concerned with the creation of the world – not by a novice angel but by the very Master her/him-self …

… it is so easy to get depressed with the world … but hopefully there is a retrieval from the wastepaper bin … and a JC correction in evidence, rather than a throw-away by God and a turn to a new project …

The question is … are you going to help … I expect you are well aware that quite a lot of help is needed in the correction process!

This poem received recognition on the ‘Narrator International Website’.

Journey into the interior – Theodore Roethke

Journey into the interior

In the long journey out of the self,
There are many detours, washed-out interrupted raw places
Where the shale slides dangerously
And the back wheels hang almost over the edge
At the sudden veering, the moment of turning.
Better to hug close, wary of rubble and falling stones.
The arroyo cracking the road, the wind-bitten buttes, the canyons,
Creeks swollen in midsummer from the flash-flood roaring into the narrow valley.
Reeds beaten flat by wind and rain,
Grey from the long winter, burnt at the base in late summer.
— Or the path narrowing,
Winding upward toward the stream with its sharp stones,
The upland of alder and birch trees,
Through the swamp alive with quicksand,
The way blocked at last by a fallen fir-tree,
The thickets darkening,
The ravines ugly.

Theodore Roethke (1908 -1963)

Arroyo = a small stream of running water
Butte = flat-topped hill

About not being you
About all the wayside pitfalls in life’s journey
About being in the uncomfortable zone
About the frightening feelings when in the wrong place
About the danger when you veer from your own journey
About being a round peg in a square hole
About being beside yourself in fear
About nature giving a clear message
About the internal battle of self-discovery

This is a list poem with many images on the danger of losing yourself when trying to do the reverse. And reading this poem it is not surprising that Theodore Roethke suffered from depression. There is no easy solution – the ravines ugly.

My only thought on the long journey out of self is to do just that get out of self, out of the interior nightmare, and share and talk with another soul. We all need a ‘life-line’ at some stage to steer us into calmer waters. And if you are in such circumstances my thoughts go with you as you read these words.

Theodore Roethke on Wikipedia